Ay! Listen to me!
The wordsmith is fonting!
I'm telling you life isn't easy...try it.
No, not the existing part. I mean the living up to your own expectations - exceeding them. Healthy thought processes & materializing them into projects that become accomplishments.
Shoking yourself.
Being proud.
Squeeling for a hot sec when your brain is on happy overload.
Been there?Done that?
Yes, but that's in the past. Europe(Germany) past. Good old times past.
Pure past. Virgin.
Fun past. Friends.
Safe past. Daddy.
Delicious past. Food.
Delusional past. -------->
Then America happened.
Lonely
Unknown
Excuse me THIS BARREL is a "small portion" ?!
Desertedness
Dessert
Pressure
Since I was kapable of forming my first thought besides pulling my cat's tail & getting in the candy cupboard I knew that one day we would move to America.
It was never literally sayd but I just knew.
And then the big day came & Daddy moved. Singular. D-a-d-d-y. No We. No Carina. O.O
But I was occupied at the time. I was only partially devastated. I had a new apartment to myself. Right?
I had new "me" rules(non-existant) to abide by. Right?
It went well.
And a year later it was my turn to leave. & of course I missed my plane. No one was shoked.
Because it was so unreal to be gone... no more fresh graffiti pieces poping up around town.
No more crazy nights at the club with me in the the midst shimmy.
No more cumpfy girls nights with gigglemarathons & SATC.
No more little bay bay kids getting a earfull @ the center in my danceclass.
No more me & O.O
Last time that I hugged my sister from another XY & XX & wiped her tears away?
Last time that I kissed my ladies & punched my boys?
Last time that I made half a room snort at one of my "blonde moments"?
Last time that I really know where I am & need to go.
Who & What I am?
Why?
I got on the plane & read my friends' last letters while Frankfurt became a ricecorn & my lips bled because I was biting down so hard fighting tears back. My teartunnels all rusty not remembering how to function since it had been so long that they had been used..... was it the time I was 12 when I was taken out of ballet, or when my bunny died when I was 13?
I'm telling you it ain't easy.
Landing in NYC... Landing in Chicago.... Landing in Cedar Rapids. I'm walking down the entrance hall & I see the Belgian flag & my heart drops for a sec because I mistook it for my flag. Realizing that life reversed.
The relatives that meet me there, I barely know. Grandma & Grandpa it is right? Maybe. I do not care. Correction I didn't & wouln't.
The new school... like a hospital. Screaming institution. I scream "Fallacies!!!"
The teachers lost & students not even trying to find the way.
I am supposed to benefit from this?
The schoolyear starts & progresses as does the decay of my IQ.
